Don't you sometime wonder why? I have been wondering why now for over 30+ days. Why I went through with this surgery again. I am on my 30th+ day without food and something to drink. OK so I am able to get down a small amount of water by sucking on ice or popsicles. Food I can't get down. Can you believe water makes me choke the most? Go figure! I am to the point I am not to happy, plus I am putting my husband in his grave so I'll stay quite. Doctor, thinks I should continue to be patient. I wanted to ask him if he has gone without eatting for 30 days and still feels like patients is the answer. He also would like to do a feeding tube. I sit back and think REALLY? I would look like an idot like I choose not to eat and what would this fix? I'd spend more time sitting on the thrown that is. I spend each day trying to get one thing done, and it makes me feel old... I get so dang tired! I am keeping the NO COMPLAINing rule and just keeping quiet unless I have to explain why I can't do something. Walked a block and a half tonight. Made me feel like I was 400 lbs or maybe better said WAY out of shape. Seriously I was training daily and now I cant make it down the street. SO I sit back and think hummm I wonder why?
Why did I give in to this surgery. I guess i'll never know until I am totally better and can look back. I guess I will continue to wonder why until I can eat and drink... Until then enjoy your food.... I'm still wondering WHY did I do this and worrying what if my hair falls out?? IF is not actually the problem IS is better said. Isn't that what happens when you starve yourself? I started to try and get small amounts of protein shakes down, HOLY shOt of tequila have you had a protein shake and had to smell it for more then 30 minutes. Well try and sip on them everyday for weeks. The site of them make me gag. But I am told to continue to drink them one swallow at a time. I'd like to take the doctor to the alley and kick him all the way to Idaho... ok so I can't kick that far nor would it be the goal I am looking for. I do shower but try to that with your eyes closed, well not really but I hate seeing the hair that sits in there with me. I continue to wonder why.. Why did I not listen to my deep down answer. NO I don't want to re-do that surgery. It was hell the first time. I actually wonder if while I was on the table he decided to try out a few other surgeries on me and see how they handle in someone that didn't ask for it.
I continued to not eat until late December as I started to slowly get things in I quickly threw them out. O did I tell you I can't throw up. So I am sure you know where I'm going with this, food that is. As fast as it comes in it comes out quicker. Drinking with a straw sucks! I'd love to sit down and guzzle a glass of anything. I have been given more drugs to take then I think should of been given to me. Nothing helps and why do I want to sit here and be drugged 24/7. Only thing I like 24/7 is fun, this my friend is not fun. There isnt aint yep thats right NoThInG I can eat that makes me feel ok. I also constantly feel gasy bloated and as many holes as God gave me this doctor I swear sewed them up. It is embarassing, miserable and F&^%#)* horrible how it feels and I wonder who my friend paid for this? Yep you guess right I did! From pain to pocket I paid for it. Who died and made Doctors God, cause I think they guess at everything they do. Ok there is some exceptions out there a few good Doc's but all in all they suck us for everything including our health. Usually, an overall medical evaluation will be done if necessary questions will be asked about your vision problems. Exactly this surgery has nothing to do with my vission, but that is how I feel Did he really look at what needed to be evaluated or did he just assume he need a vacation this next summer and what better way to pay for it. So as for now I continue to wonder WHY can't I have a dam cheese burger, fries and diet coke!
